There are countless studies that have made a connection between social media use and anxiety and depression.

90% of the time, I'm super cool with social media. But that leftover 10% can be a real pain in the ass.

Social media is toxic when I'm in an anxiety-induced slump.

Sometimes I scroll down my timeline and see all of these people having a great time and I feel like I'm slacking. Everyone seems to be enjoying their day, but I just spent 10 minutes in my car trying to steady my breath before walking into a meeting. And because of this comparison, a little voice in my head starts telling me, "you could do better."

Comparison is the most prominent problem in the relationship between my anxiety and social media use. I blame myself for not being as happy, or social, or interesting as the people on the screen. But all my anxiety wants me to do is hide.

When my anxiety is acting up, a safe escape into my comfy bed will always be more enticing than my Friday night plans. So after sending the "Sorry-guys-I-can't-hangout-tonight" text and jumping into bed, it's impossible not to feel a tinge of guilt for missing out on the fun. Scrolling through Instagram the next morning and seeing pictures of my friends chugging down cranberry-vodkas or cheering at the hockey game, this guilt is only magnified. I think,  I'm missing out on the best moments of my life. My friends hate me for cancelling. Why do I let my anxiety have so much control?  

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE to see people smiling, having a great time, and enjoying different aspects of their life, but it's also important to remind myself that I'm scrolling through a timeline of people's best moments. A highly curated version of someone's life. Some are genuine, some are less so. The point is, nobody is going to document on social media their panic attacks, their relationship problems, or struggles with personal demons. No, they're going to post pictures of their #squad and their vegan oatmeal bowl (guilty).

We keep the bad parts private. Like when your mom asks you to clean your room and you're feeling especially lazy so you throw all your dirty clothes on your bed and drape the comforter over it so your mom has no idea. Like that.

During times when my mood is in the gutter, I feel this weird, self-imposed pressure to keep up with my friends on social media: to engage with them daily, to post pretty pictures with witty captions, and to update my accounts on a regular basis.

It becomes a numbers game, a pressure to stay relevant and active. I feel this pressure to keep up appearances even if I'm struggling on the inside with my anxiety. I'm sure these sentiments extend beyond those who have anxiety. It's human nature to want approval, to appear like we're succeeding at life even when we aren't. But by giving in to this pressure, I'm feeding into the problem instead of resolving it.

Therefore, when I feel like social media is becoming a hindrance to my mood, I take a break.

In fact, my anxiety took a pretty bad turn last week so I mentally packed my bags and took a little vacation from social media. The time I dedicated to social media was now being used to write in my journal, hang out with my roommates, and listen to Lady Gaga's new album. My head was clear for the first time in weeks and I didn't feel guilty at all.

It honestly works, because I'm completely deflating the pressure of social media, cutting out the negativity, and choosing to focus on things that bring me happiness. This anxiety-induced slump was easier to crawl out of when the distraction of social media was out of the equation.

If it's all getting to be too much, I remind myself that it's okay to log-off for awhile. I can look at pictures of vegan oatmeal bowls later.