Dear Study Abroad,

Thank you.

I'm gonna repeat that. Thank you.

Without you, I wouldn't be who I am today. Before we met, I was so clingy. I was insecure and emotionally unavailable, without enough confidence to seek out adventure or take risks.

I wasn't ready for the wonderful strangers you introduced to me, the breath-taking sights you unveiled to me every day, and the insatiable curiosity to understand every culture you lead me through.

You made the world less scary. Turn on the TV and you can watch a highlight reel of all that is wrong with the world. It's easy to forget the countless good deeds that occur everyday all across the world, or deem these little acts of kindness as "insignificant." But they add up. And as someone who was on the receiving end of these good deeds by complete strangers, like someone pointing me in the right direction instead of scoffing at me, I can personally tell you that they mean the world.

Because of you, I've learned that what unites us as people is a language of common good that is not hard to understand or speak.

I had to be vulnerable with you because you wouldn't accept anything less. I was scared I wouldn't fit in, I was scared to go out of my comfort zone and become a vulnerable participant in a new culture, I was scared I wasn't strong or smart enough for this grand adventure. You taught me that living in an uncomfortable and unfamiliar space is where you are given the rare opportunity to become a stronger, bolder person.

And that's exactly what I became: a stronger, bolder person.

Vulnerability is no longer an indication of weakness, but strength. I learned that this is both true in travel and life. If you miss your train, another one will come along. If you take a wrong turn, with enough resilience and stamina you can get back on the right path. If you open yourself up to people, you will reap the benefits with new friendships.

Thank you for teaching me how to handle challenges more gracefully. I’m less anxious when faced with a difficult situation, because we've been through some pretty difficult ones together. Who can say they were stranded in Barcelona and had to manage on their own? Or navigated train stations in five foreign countries? I’ve learned that in stressful situations, it’s more important to maintain a clear head than run down a list of possible disasters that could go wrong.

You showed me how beautiful the world is. Walking through museums, devouring local cuisines, and hiking up hills, across bridges, and down narrow roads led me to a more enriching experience. Respecting and celebrating another culture is not a threat to your own, but rather a greater perspective on why the world is so beautiful-- because it is made up of such diverse cultures.

Thank you for getting me into shape. You were right, I was going a little too heavy on the Swiss chocolate and Italian pasta. I was too spoiled, so you made me run for trains and insisted I walk thousands upon thousands (x10) of steps through London and Paris and Sevilla and everywhere in between. You even witnessed me hunched over, breathless and sweating while trying to climb Arthur's Seat in Edinburgh, Scotland. Thanks for that, I guess.

You shined a light on my past bad behavior. I hate to admit this to you, but before we met I was a bit of an ignorant idiot. I would laugh to myself whenever I heard someone speaking broken English, essentially belittling their journey and passing on the chance to offer my assistance. But you made me want to be better. And now, instead of using my energy to be rude or impatient, I want to help. There were countless times that I was at the mercy of a stranger's help, and I would like to be that friendly face that points someone in the right direction.

I crossed paths with some of the most incredible people because of you. I won't forget the kind faces of complete strangers who I was lucky enough to meet. The time I got to spend with my close friends, wonderful flatmates, and (Dad look away now or forever hold your peace) my boyfriend is so precious to me. Yes, boyfriend. Thank you, study abroad, for letting me meet him. In a strange way, he introduced me to myself. Although we are on different continents now, he still remains to be a very special person in my life.

I'm in awe of you. I still can't believe I dipped my toes in one of the most majestic lakes in Switzerland, or glided past Marco Polo's house in a gondola, or drank champagne on top of the Eiffel Tower. You gave me too many pinch-me-I'm-dreaming moments that I will never forget. Oh, and you also gave me a few bomb Instagram-pictures. Scrolling through my camera roll almost daily, I can't help but look back on our experiences with such amazement and disbelief.

We weren't perfect. There were times I wanted to leave you and go back home. There is no denying that you threw so many emotions at me: love, happiness, homesickness, timidness, confusion, worry. But instead of hiding from emotion, which I do so often, I decided to face it head on. Why? Because every emotion you feel, good or bad, adds a new dimension to the experience. I've started allowing myself to feel emotions more deeply and express them more freely.

Yes, you left my bank account almost empty. And you spoiled me with your food and wine. You even made me cry a few times. But I cherish you and everything you taught me. I cherish you today, and I will cherish you in 5 years, 15 years, 40 years, and so on. Our relationship was truly a transformative one that made me grow up at such a rapid pace.

I often think back to the time before I met you and contemplate a lot of what'ifs. Would my life be different if I never met you? Would I be as independent or mature? Would I find hope in my outlook on the world? Would I be more fearless or self-assured? I hope I would have gotten their eventually, but I'm sure it would've taken much longer.

When you left, it hurt. It hurt so much, more than anything I've ever experienced. I miss you, I miss our adventures, I miss the people I have grown so attached to during our time together, I miss the food, I miss the uncomfortable feeling of being in an unfamiliar space. It's funny how you can find yourself when you break from your usual environment, engage with people who don't know your name or story, and grow curious about new places and people.

After we broke up, I found myself driving around my hometown to see if it had changed as much as I felt I had changed. Our relationship seemed so unreal to me that I found myself poking around at my surroundings trying to see what was real and what wasn't real any more. The hardest task was finding out what parts of me were real, and what parts had changed. I felt I had outgrown my old self. See, I didn't find myself laughing at the same things anymore, or feeling the same about topics that I had felt so surely about before leaving. I guess I had to feel a little lost within myself before I could reflect and start understanding who I was again.

Admittedly, I'm still lost. This long-distance relationship we have is challenging, to say the least. The "real world" is looming overhead and I'm worried I will be weighed down by work and responsibilities that we will cease contact. I don't want to forget about you, and I'm scared to death you will forget about me.

In such a state of uncertainty, there are two things that I know for sure (sorry to get all Oprah on you). One, I'm proud to say that my viewpoint on the world has changed for the better. And two, I'm proud to say that I'm not the same person I was when we started our whirlwind relationship early this year, and my world is better for it.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I hope to see you soon.

Love,

Erin